I wrote my 2nd Toastmasters speech in reflection of the Marathon, so I decided to share the text of my speech here. I delivered it yesterday in my meeting as written. Mike says his experience was almost identical, except for instead of the intense mental block, it was his knee, which is feeling better by the way! -Kelsey
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Exactly one week ago today, I finished my first marathon ever. Today, I do feel accomplished and proud of myself, but a week ago, after I had finished the race, I felt incredibly defeated and humbled. I only began to appreciate my achievement when I started reflecting on the lessons I learned while struggling through 26.2 miles with over 20,000 other people. In some cases, I can even recall the specific miles where these lessons occurred.
Mile 11: A lesson in perspective
In many marathon races around the country, an organization called Wear Blue: Run to Remember organizes “blue miles”. For one mile of the race, they place pictures of fallen heroes from our armed forces lining the mile along with volunteers holding American flags. It’s incredibly moving, and everyone continues throughout the mile in silent respect.
It may seem like the reminder that we’re alive is an easy lesson to learn, but breathing and living aren’t necessarily the same. Breathing is automatic, is going through the motions...living is a responsibility. I saw another sign on the course that said “There will be a day when you can’t run”, and I was so grateful for that perspective in that moment. I want to feel the weight of my living every day, and the beginning of the marathon was a reminder of that weight. This race would end, and after it I would keep on living. In that way, this suffering was a gift because it let me know I was alive. All I had to do was suffer well for 15 more miles.
Mile 20: A lesson in motivation
I had one goal going into the race: to finish. There is a point in the race between mile 18 and mile 20 where you have to get across a long bridge by a certain time or a little golf cart will pick you up and chauffeur you to the finish line. I had heard from many friends about the mental drive needed to “beat the bridge”, but what I wasn’t prepared for was what to do when I met my goal. I beat the bridge….and then I didn’t know what my next goal was. All of the sudden continuing to run seemed like a very silly goal. At that point, I could just walk to the finish line and still complete the race. And let me tell you that, 20 miles into a race, your brain is not best equipped to deal with existential questions of “Why am I running? Why is anyone running?”. Setting realistic goals (and backup goals once you kill your first goal) would have helped me avoid this awkward conversation with myself.
Mile 22: A lesson in community
After you “beat the bridge”, you have already run through Georgetown, past all of the monuments and downtown, and a lot of the crowds have thinned out. You’re literally running in parking lots and on asphalt the rest of the way. And I don’t know if you remember, but it was really hot on Sunday, so the heat is just radiating throughout your entire body and you’re miserable, but not miserable enough to end the race faster. You just have to marinate in that discomfort and try to keep moving forward. Needless to say, I felt completely alone. I had turned my music off to save my phone battery for after I was done with the race, so I didn’t even have music to distract me from my misery. I was so stuck in my head that I decided for a moment to escape into my surroundings and notice all of the people around me.
Around then I saw a woman go up to a guy and ask about his shirt for leukemia/lymphoma awareness. I was really trying to distract myself so, yes, I eavesdropped on their conversation. He had been in remission from cancer for about a year and a half and this was his first marathon. Her dad had passed away from the same cancer, so she knew a lot about the treatment. The guy had actually broken his back during his illness and doctors had sworn he’d never be able to walk again. But here he was completing his first marathon. I will never stop being in awe of the people on the course with me who inspired me and reminded me I wasn’t alone.
Mile 24: A lesson in autonomy
At this point of the race, I was having a full-on tantrum in my head. I don’t know if you’ve had moments in your adulthood where you’ve been reduced to a child who just wants their mom to come and make everything better, but this is the place I was in. Because the thing is...although I wasn’t alone, I was the only one who could finish the race. No one was going to put one foot in front of the other for me.
I had no choice but to trust myself to get my body to the finish line. And once I realized it was a party of me, myself, and I for the last 2 miles I gave myself one last pep talk and persisted till I crossed the finish line.
4 months ago when I started training for this race, I thought I was training for a finish line that would leave me feeling unstoppable, victorious, or even just a tiny bit awesome? Instead I felt humbled, confused, and emotional. Had I really just trained for months….every weekend….for my body to feel that broken? Over the past week, I’ve gotten a lot of perspective on the experience that I think is best summed up in a quote I found in a NYTimes article “When you are humbled by a race, you realize what the purpose is here. In managing to dig so deep, you discover who you are. “The ego wants a perfect race. You [either] get in this to feed your ego or nourish your soul.”
So now if you were to ask me “Do you think you’ll sign up for another marathon?”, I’d have to say “Eh probably not...my soul’s feeling pretty nourished, and I don’t want to learn anything else about myself right now.”
Our Finisher medals!
Pre-race setup.
Nasty Woman nails to remind me that I'm the only one who tells myself what I'm capable of.
Our Dory face tattoos from Kelly and Alex!
