Kelsey here. I just put Ava down for a nap that hopefully sticks, but I just wanted to quickly share some thoughts about motherhood so far and some pictures I had on my phone from grandma visits.
Thoughts on being a new mom:
- It's one of the hardest things that people have been doing since humans have existed. I remember thinking during labor that I can't believe every human being comes into the world that way and that people end up doing it multiple times. (Hopefully one day I'll write my own version of my birth story, but no time today!) Well, once the baby comes out of you, it's still hard. I don't have a ton of experience with infants, but my body housed this child for 9 months and is now her sole provider of nourishment. It's absolutely crazy! But, you know what, throughout the world's entire history, humans have successfully raised their offspring and they didn't even have Google.
- It takes a village. Being a new first-time mom can feel pretty lonely and overwhelming (even when you have the most awesome husband and family in the world like I do). Trying to figure out breastfeeding while your body is still recovering can be particularly hard which is why I am so glad I sought out resources here in CC like La Leche League and the Navy/Marine Corps Relief Society's visiting nurse program which sends a lactation consultant to do home visits. I've also joined several mom Facebook groups and hope to meet more moms in the community once we have more of a routine down.
- Self-care has never been more important. I am being very mindful not to push myself too much during these early days and to appreciate the slow pace of my days as much as possible. However, I also know that getting out into the sunshine is good for both me and Ava. Other things that are super important: eating lots of nutritious food and staying hydrated, baths and showers, taking breaks when I can, and asking for help.
- Perspective helps. There is a huge identity shift that takes place when your body and all of your time is now spent keeping a baby alive. My body and time are no longer 'mine', and while I'm still adjusting to that, it has bothered me a lot less than I thought it would. This is a temporary and fleeting season and my body and time are a very worthy sacrifice for giving this girl everything that she needs. Getting my 'body back' is actually the furthest thing from my mind at this point and I think it will take me a lot longer to get back to regular workouts than anticipated. Every day is different and there's no plan or road map, which can be a nice forced slow down for someone who likes a plan for everything:)
I was listening to a podcast and heard this poem within the first week of being home and it really resonated with and spoke to how my soul was feeling in that exact moment with my body still healing from labor, waking up every couple hours to feed, and feeling a lot of initial pain from breastfeeding. I thought it was so beautiful that I had to share.
To be a Mother is to suffer;
To travail in the dark,
stretched and torn,
exposed in half-naked humiliation,
subjected to indignities
for the sake of new life.
To be a Mother is to say,
“This is my body, broken for you,”
And, in the next instant, in response to the created’s primal hunger,
“This is my body, take and eat.”
To be a Mother is to self-empty,
To neither slumber nor sleep,
so attuned You are to cries in the night—
Offering the comfort of Yourself,
and assurances of “I’m here.”
To be a Mother is to weep
over the fighting and exclusions and wounds
your children inflict on one another;
To long for reconciliation and brotherly love
and—when all is said and done—
To gather all parties, the offender and the offended,
into the folds of your embrace
and to whisper in their ears
that they are Beloved.
To be a mother is to be vulnerable—
To be misunderstood,
Railed against,
Blamed
For the heartaches of the bewildered children
who don’t know where else to cast
the angst they feel
over their own existence
in this perplexing universe
To be a mother is to hoist onto your hips those on whom your image is imprinted,
bearing the burden of their weight,
rejoicing in their returned affection,
delighting in their wonder,
bleeding in the presence of their pain.
To be a mother is to be accused of sentimentality one moment,
And injustice the next.
To be the Receiver of endless demands,
Absorber of perpetual complaints,
Reckoner of bottomless needs.
To be a mother is to be an artist;
A keeper of memories past,
Weaver of stories untold,
Visionary of lives looming ahead.
To be a mother is to be the first voice listened to,
And the first disregarded;
To be a Mender of broken creations,
And Comforter of the distraught children
whose hands wrought them.
To be a mother is to be a Touchstone
and the Source,
Bestower of names,
Influencer of identities;
Life giver,
Life shaper,
Empath,
Healer,
and
Original Love.
Now for the pictures!
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| Space onesie with her basketball hat and shoes from Auntie Courtney and cousin Ashton. |
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| Walking outside with my mom (Meme) at the wetlands preserve. |
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| First family pic with Mike in peak dad form. |
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| Tummy time! Her neck is already super strong, but she still hates tummy time:) |
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| Another path at the wetlands preserve with Grandma Leslie. |
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| Sunset at the wetlands preserve |
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| Last date night out before Grandma Leslie left....tried a new cocktail bar downtown! |
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| More tummy time in her dinosaur outfit and doing her 'raptor' face. |
That's all the feelings and pictures I have time for today! You know I'll keep sharing, though:)
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